SISTERS, HAVING DIFFICULTY REACHING THE CLIMAX?
Are you having difficulty climaxing?
Don’t fret. There is nothing wrong with you!
You are experiencing a bodily dysfunction which is completely treatable. In this article, I cover this topic in detail complete with natural remedies you can try at home. I recommend you read the entire article to get an in-depth understanding of what is happening to your body and how to treat it properly.
We hear about male sexual dysfunctions through tons of drugs being advertised and plenty of articles being written on the topic. What is often neglected is women’s sexual experiences and satisfaction. Sexual dysfunctions are not limited to men; approximately 28% of pre-menopausal women experience orgasmic disorder and this number only increases with age. I would actually argue that this number is an understatement because vast majority of cultures consider it a taboo to discuss this topic and many women around the globe never discuss their inability to reach orgasm.
Let’s dissect this seldom discussed topic and get to the root causes of women’s inability to reach orgasm and sexual climax. This will help you as a woman to reach blissful satisfaction, and as a man to help your woman reach her climax.
Female orgasmic disorder is the difficulty or inability for a woman to reach orgasm during sexual stimulation. This difficulty occurs even when they are sexually aroused and there is sufficient sexual stimulation.
Orgasms are intense feelings of release during sexual stimulation. They can vary in intensity, duration, and frequency. Orgasms can occur with little sexual stimulation, but sometimes much more stimulation is necessary.
For women with female orgasmic disorder, orgasm is either absent or significantly reduced in intensity on almost all or all occasions of sexual activity, even when they are aroused and stimulated. This condition takes on a variety of forms:
- It can either be lifelong or acquired, meaning the disturbance began after a period of relatively normal sexual function.
- The condition can also be generalized, meaning it’s not limited to certain types of stimulation, situations or partners.
- It can be situational, meaning the difficulty with orgasm only occurs with certain types of stimulation, situations, or partners.
Now, a million-dollar question: Is this something to be worried about?
Concerned, yes. Worried, not at all!
It is a condition you have. It is not you. Just like all medical conditions you address the underlying causes of the problem, and you can eliminate it. In fact, the more you stress about it or panic, the harder it will be to overcome it. Because part of the problems is psychological and emotional.
Let’s see how we can address this condition from all angles to let you enjoy the most satisfactory climaxes.
Women are complex beings. They are sensitive, sensual, emotional, and are aroused differently from each other. What turns one on, may not necessarily work for another. So this topic is highly complex and needs to be understood carefully.
Women report wide variability in the type or intensity of stimulation that causes orgasm, and orgasms themselves are extremely varied across women and on different occasions by the same woman. For a woman to have a diagnosis of female orgasmic disorder, significant distress must accompany symptoms and must be present for a minimum of six months. It is also important to consider whether the difficulty with reaching orgasm is a result of inadequate sexual stimulation.
Your vagina is a complex organ. There is a lot involved in the working and wellbeing of your vagina—sensitive nerves, hormones, external and internal interconnected organs and body parts—all play a role. So its care has to be also wholesome and methodical.
Bottom line: Do not rush to label the condition!
There are multiple factors which affect women’s ability to reach orgasm such as age, medical condition, culture, emotional and mental stresses etc.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?
The main symptoms of orgasmic dysfunction are the inability to achieve sexual climax, and having unsatisfying orgasms and taking longer than normal to reach climax.
There are four types of orgasmic dysfunction:
- Primary anorgasmia: A condition in which you’ve never had an orgasm.
- Secondary anorgasmia: Difficulty reaching orgasm, even though you’ve had one before.
- Situational anorgasmia: The most common type of orgasmic dysfunction. It occurs when you can only orgasm during specific situations, such as during oral sex or masturbation.
- General anorgasmia: An inability to achieve orgasm under any circumstances, even when you’re highly aroused and sexual stimulation is sufficient.
To receive a diagnosis of female orgasmic disorder, the symptoms must be present for a minimum duration of approximately six months and must cause significant distress in the individual. Additionally, this disturbance cannot be better accounted for by another psychological condition, severe relationship distress (such as partner violence), the direct physiological effects of a substance or another general medical condition.
That being said, you don’t have to go for an official diagnosis in order to enhance your sexual life. If you feel that you are not satisfied or are not reaching orgasms, you can take charge and do something about it.
Read on to see how you can enhance your sexual life.
FACTORS WHICH CAN HINDER ORGASM
A wide variety of factors can impact a woman’s ability to experience orgasm, including:
- Older age
- Overweight or obesity
- Concern about pregnancy
- Relationship problems such as unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, discontentment etc.
- Physical health
- Poor nutrition (I can’t stress this enough!!! A wholesome diet is the key to healthy sex life.)
- Low self-esteem and lack of confidence
- Mental health such as depression and anxiety
- Use of antidepressants
- Vaginal dryness
- Use of contraceptives have shown to decrease sexual arousal in women
- Sociocultural factors such as gender expectations and taboo of women demanding gratification during intimacy
- Lack of education about one’s body and bodily functions / sexual education
- Use of drugs and alcohol
- Medical conditions that affect the nerve supply to the pelvis (spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis and diabetic neuropathy)
- Hormone disorders and chronic illnesses that affect general sexual interest and health
- Negative attitudes toward sex in childhood, experiences of sexual abuse or rape, and abusive partners also contribute to the problem
- Inability to articulate what might help a woman reach orgasm due to shyness or embarrassment
You need to figure out the root cause and the major underlying factor behind the problem in order to address it properly.
WHAT CAN YOU DO
The inability to orgasm can be frustrating and may have damaging impact on your relationship. However, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Many women deal with orgasmic dysfunction at some point in their lives. And you can overcome it.
Some common conventional treatments include cognitive behavioral or sex therapy, estrogen hormone therapy, and couples therapy.
I would recommend that you deeply and objectively think about and analyze the underlying causes of the problem and try to resolve them. If you believe that this is purely a medical issue and you don’t have any social, psychological and emotional obstacles, then let’s get to work!
There are things you can do to address this matter on your own. After all, it is your life and you need to take charge of it. Just know that you are not alone. If you don’t have a support system to help you through this, I am here! Reach out to me and we will resolve it together!
You can try following remedies assuming that you are a healthy individual with no underlying relation, psychological, emotional, mental and physiological conditions preventing you from reaching orgasms.
The rest of you…try the following to reach new heights in climactic bliss!
NATURAL TREATMENTS TO ORGASM
Your mind is what prepares your body for sex. If you have a negative mindset that you will not achieve orgasm, or it won’t work, or it never works, or I am a failure…then you are actually setting your body up for failure.
Have a positive mindset. Reassure yourself that it will work. That you will achieve climax. That the inability to reach orgasm in the past is due to certain conditions and doesn’t define you. Know and believe that with the right advise, knowledge and action, you can overcome this obstacle.
- SURRENDER AND RELAX YOUR MIND
Sex is about surrender. Surrendering to your desires, your partner’s desires, the moment, and physically to your loved one. The highest joy of love making is mutual satisfaction and the exhilaration of helping your partner reach climax. If you start using your mind at this time instead of surrendering to the moment, you will have hindered your ability to achieve orgasm.
I know that we are overwhelmed by responsibilities, especially as mothers. There is always laundry, dishes, and a thousand other things pulling on our mind. But guess what…they will still be there but the moment would have gone. Give yourself, your relationship with your partner, and your happiness priority over chores. You and your partner are more important than everything else.
Another thing that prevents women from relaxing in bed is their insecurities about their bodies. Our society has created unrealistic standards of women’s bodies which we all hold as ideals and measure ourselves against it. We will never measure up. Even those models in their own skin wouldn’t measure up to their impressive portraits!
You are who you are and you are beautiful. God has created you in His image and please don’t tell me that He has done less than perfect! Every woman is beautiful and even if you don’t believe it, that’s fine. The person who has decided to love you sees beauty in you and that in itself should be enough. Don’t you think?
Relax your mind. This will automatically relax your body. Learn to surrender to the moment, be vulnerable, and focus on only giving and receiving pleasure. This alone will do half the trick.
- POOR BLOOD CIRCULATION TO VAGINA
Insufficient blood flow to the vaginal area can contribute to female orgasmic problems. This could be due to poor circulation, low hormone levels, and lack of lubrication. The clitoris needs to become engorged in order to attain orgasm. Therefore, increasing blood circulation to the pelvis should be the first priority. Aerobic exercises are the best way to achieve this successfully and fast. Walking, swimming, hiking, kegels, bridges, stretching, yoga are some of the most effective ways to increase blood flow to the pelvic area.
- STRENGTHEN PELVIC MUSCLES
Besides increasing blood flow to the pelvis, it is important to strengthen pelvic muscles. Our pelvis both contracts and relaxes during orgasm. If the pelvic muscles are not strong enough to contract and relax properly, we will not feel the intensity of the orgasm, or might not even be able to reach it.
Pelvic floor muscles are deep in your pelvis. In addition to increased circulation, exercising these muscles can help prevent incontinence.
HOW TO DO IT: Tighten your muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine or the passage of gas. Keep your abdominal and thigh muscles relaxed during this movement. Hold for 2 to 3 seconds, then relax.
- AVOID ALCOHOL
Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. Alcohol acts by inhibiting parts of the central nervous system important for sexual arousal and orgasm — respiration, circulation and sensitivity of nerve endings. Alcohol also dehydrates the body. Sexual arousal needs a certain volume of blood to bring oxygen and greater sensation to the genitals. This process is associated with erection (in men) and lubrication (in women). With less volume of liquid in the body and with a depressed nervous system, the body struggles with sexual performance.
Excessive use of alcohol can affect sexual health of both men and women. It can lead to fewer erections, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, and difficulty reaching orgasm. So, if you are experiencing any orgasmic dysfunctions, it is best to completely avoid alcohol.
- AVOID SMOKING
Obstetrics & Gynecology Science published an article which studies the relationship between smoking and female sexual dysfunction. The study population consisted of sexually active premenopausal women. It found that among smokers, the frequency of sexual dysfunctions was significantly higher.
Smoking also reduces blood flow to the genitals which we know is the key to having orgasms. It can also lower the stamina and endurance and you get tired much faster, often not being able to reach the climax. Smoking has also been shown to cause inflammation of clitoris.
Stress can wreak havoc on your sex life. One of the ways it does that is via hormones. Chronic stress can cause your body to produce too much of the hormone cortisol, which can lower your libido. It can also throw your menstral cycle out of whack, which will affect your desire as well. Stress also makes it harder to orgasm and can prevent a person from climaxing at all. And this is just your sex life. We haven’t even mentioned the kind of toll it takes on your overall health and wellbeing!
We all de-stress in different ways. You have to find what works for you. It could be reading, painting, nature walk, swimming, meditation, listening to self-help talks…whatever works!
- PLENTY OF FLUIDS
No matter what topic I am discussing, I can’t stop talking about the importance of drinking enough fluids. Fluids are the invisible engine of our body. It turns out that dehydration and stress levels are closely linked. Our bodies need enough water to run efficiently, and when we don’t have enough, that can impact just about everything from the inside out. Studies have shown that being just half a liter dehydrated can increase your cortisol levels, which increases your stress level. Drinking enough water can cure vaginal dryness, and help lubricate your lady parts which is key to having pleasurable sex and reaching orgasm.
The vagina has a delicate pH balance and a healthy vagina is normally acidic, but dehydration can disrupt that, upping your risk for a yeast infection. The better hydrated we are, the more oxygen we have traveling through our bloodstream, helping things run smoothly all over the body. That also includes our sex organs, which need all that oxygen to help us climax more easily.
Take a break from this reading and go grab yourself a cup of water!
LET’S TALK ABOUT MASTURBATION
This is a controversial topic. There is a massive movement on acceptance of your body and taking care of it. I am all for it! I believe that women have been taught to be shy about their bodies which has harmed them both physically and emotionally. However, I disagree with the idea of masturbation as a self-care method.
This is my personal and professional opinion based on my discussions with hundreds of clients. You don’t have to agree, but I think you should give it a serious thought.
We are creatures of habit. Women who regularly masturbate guide and teach their bodies to achieve pleasure in specific ways. Their bodies learn to respond to certain stimuli in particular ways. Once these women are with their partners, they mentally, emotionally and physically block themselves based on what they think works for them. The partner does not necessarily play an active role in stimulating them because they are the ones dictating what should be done.
I would argue that this takes a toll on the relationship. Sex is very much about surrender. Surrendering to the body’s need, desire, your partner and the moment. This is when the magic is created. If the person is unable to surrender—physically and emotionally, then it becomes a cumbersome monotonous routine with no real excitement.
Based on my interviews with hundreds of my clients, I can pinpoint this to be THE problem. When women (or men) start dictating how they should be stimulated, the partner feels detached and often becomes uninterested. Not only that, since a woman has trained her body to respond to certain stimuli, she may not be able to respond to other stimulation, even if it is done correctly. That is why many women who regularly masturbate are not able to reach orgasm with a partner. They begin to blame the partner or their bodies, whereas the problem is simply habitual.
I have worked with lovely ladies who had the inability to reach orgasm with their partners. With some basic therapies and abstention from self-pleasure, they were able to overcome this and have very satisfactory relationships today.
Now, let’s go to what supplement and herbs can be used to help cure orgasmic dysfunction.
SUPPLEMENTS & HERBS TO HELP WITH ORGASMS
L-Arginine has been reported to tackle all of the problems associated with orgasmic disorder by improving blood flow to your genitals. Women have said that it has helped them to achieve orgasm more easily, has improved their lust for sex, and increased sensitivity, leading to better sex. 1000 mg of L-Arginine supplement daily can help you achieve desirable results just after a few week’s use.
- HORNY GOAT WEED
The name is suggestive enough, isn’t it? It is also known as Epimedium and brain tonic of the immortals. This is a known libido booster from antiquity. It helps the flow of blood to the vagina and boosts libido. Although a lot of the benefits are anecdotal, the herb has been prescribed for centuries by Chinese herbal medicinal practitioners – both for men and women. Therefore, centuries of successful use is evidence enough. Don’t you think?
The appropriate dose of horny goat weed depends on several factors such as the user’s age, health, and several other conditions. A healthy female can take between 250 to 500mg of herbal supplement with water daily. However, you should only take it under consultation with a natural health care practitioner.
Ashwagandha is a known aphrodisiac from antiquity. It helps in restoring a good sex life in two ways. First, it helps in the production of testosterone. It increases the serum levels of the luteinizing hormone and testosterone and revitalizes the natural balance of sexual hormones in both men and women.
Secondly, as ashwagandha is known to reduce stress by inhibiting the growth of cortisol, it also helps in the retardation of natural testosterone reduction. This in turn helps to keep the testosterone levels optimum for the body’s proper sexual functioning.
- MACA POWDER
It is also called Peruvian Ginseng. Several scientific studies have shown positive results that the herb Maca may boost female sex drive or libido especially in post-menopausal women who are not able to supplement their hormones and women suffering from depression who take anti-depressants or other medications that cause sexual dysfunction. It can be taken as powder, pills or liquid extract. I prefer its powdered form. You can add a tablespoon of this powerful herb to your smoothies, yogurt, oats, or even your cup of coffee.
Damiana is a herb used traditionally by the Mayan people of Central America to enhance sexual function in men and women. It is reported to be an aphrodisiac, stimulant, mood enhancer, and a tonic. It is still used around the world. Take 2 to 4 grams of dried damiana in tea or capsule form. Don’t take more as it can cause hallucinations.
- HONEY + BEE POLLEN
The synergy when these ingredients are combined is incredible and can pretty much give you all the nutrition you need. Both quantity and quality of the ingredients are very important. Make sure you get the organic honey and bee pollen. You can buy the ingredients separately and mix them or buy a good quality supplement which contains these ingredients. The potency of the mixture is important and this is the main difference between various products available in the market.
If you choose to buy the ingredients, which is what I will recommend, this is how you can combine them:
Honey: 1 kg
Bee Pollen: 1 kg
Combine both ingredients in a large, air-tight, glass jar, preferably dark colored jar, and keep it in a cool dry place.
Pro tip: only use wooden spoon to take out the honey since metal oxidizes the honey and reduce its nutritional value.
Moringa benefits the hormonal balance of both men and women. Hormonal balance is one of the key features of a healthy body and a healthy mind, therefore this herb is beneficial in more ways than just encouraging testosterone production. In fact, based on its amazing overall benefits, it should be your must-have herb! There have been over 1300 studies, articles and reports that have made claims about the healing properties of Moringa. The best way to consume Moringa is in powdered form which can be added to juices, smoothies, or yogurt.
FOODS THAT CAN HELP WITH ORGASMS
We are not talking about foods in the bedroom. A general uptake in the consumption of these foods can help address the issues which cause orgasmic dysfunctions. If you are preparing for the big night, make sure to have some of these foods a few hours before. In any case, you should have them as often as possible because of their overall health benefits.
- HOT CHILLI PEPPERS
Increases circulation, blood flow, and by exciting the nerves. Peppers are packed with capsaicin which releases endorphins—the feel-good hormones in our body. Chilies also increase heart rate and stimulate nerve endings. It’s not a bad idea to have a peppery meal to set the mood!
Chocolate is associated with romance for a reason. It is another one of your serotonin rich foods that help increase libido. Just an ounce or 2 are enough to do the trick.
- HONEY WITH CINNAMON & CLOVES
Cinnamon contains stimulating properties that increase our body’s heat, which greatly increases blood circulation and libido. When it is paired with honey rich in vitamins and minerals, the goodness is doubled. Mix a tablespoon of honey with half a teaspoon of cinnamon powder and half a teaspoon of clove powder, and eat every morning. If your drive is really low, you can take it again a few hours before the action.
Laminaria, also known as kelp, is a seaweed packed with minerals, Vitamin B complex, fiber and protein. It provides the body with minerals that are essential to the body and increase sexual desire. Use it daily to see substantial results.
Beets are my absolute favorites. I can’t talk enough about beets. In our interest, beets are rich in Nitric Oxide which really gets the circulatory system going which is what we need for proper blood flow to our privates.
ESSENTIAL OILS FOR BETTER ORGASMS
Essential oils are an effective alternative treatment and can address many conditions. However, I believe that in this case, essential oils are a supplementary approach and cannot be used as a primary treatment. You have to use food, exercise, natural remedies and supplements as the main source of treatment and use essential oils to help strengthen the effect of these.
The most effective method of aromatherapy is to use a nebulizing diffuser. A nebulizer fills the room with only pure essential oil. It’s water-less technology allows for the oils to be diffused without diluting them in water. Nebulizers don’t use heat so the chemical composition of the oils in not altered in any way. It works by concentrating pressurized air to blast the oil into millions of micro-particles that will fill any room quite quickly.
You can mix a few of these oils or use them separately.
Sage oil can help stimulate the brain and nervous system and help properly balance hormonal levels and libido.
Rose helps improve serotonin levels and neuropeptides within the brain. It can promote better mood while helping to balance testosterone levels.
Lavender can help reduce stress and make it easier for the body to regulate its own production of hormones which directly affects the libido.
Chamomile oil can help relax the mind and body and promote a more restful sleep. In the process, it makes it easier for the body to manage its production of sex hormones.
Sandalwood is a natural aphrodisiac that can help combat low libido and balance testosterone levels in the body. It helps the body relax, making it easier for you to connect with your body and reach climax.
Frankincense may also act as a hormone balancer. In women, the oil helps reduce symptoms associated with menopause. Frankincense also helps alleviate other sexual conditions including orgasmic dysfunction.
Take charge of your health and be positive!
Here is a short summary of the article. If you only take this part of the article, it will be enough!
- Fluids! Fluids! Fluids! The golden key of successful sexual climax is proper hydration. If your body is well-hydrated, it will stimulate easily, the intercourse will be easier and pleasurable, and you will experience sensations like never before.
- Don’t be stuck! Don’t think that you can only have orgasm a particular way. You never know! Give yourself up to the adventure. Give yourself and your partner the freedom to explore your body and find its many mysterious paths to pleasure.
- Every moment is unique. Don’t enter any relationship, day or hour and think about the past. Don’t try to replicate an intimate moment or experience you have had before. Each day is a new opportunity to discover yourself and your potential. Do that! Discover yourself!
- Try not to be limited to your habit and your comfort zone. Step out of your comfort zone. Allow your partner to explore you and your many zones of pleasure. You will be thrilled at what you find.
- Communicate! Open communication is the key to a successful relationship, in bed and otherwise. However, don’t be so open to the point you tell him what he should do with you or what will or will not work. Give him the freedom to explore you. You both will enjoy it so much more. During the act, communicate with him and let him know how you feel and whether what he is doing is effective or not.
- Do not think! When the emotions overwhelm you, ride the tide! If you think at that time, you will block the emotions.
Life is too precious to be wasted on worries and anxieties. It is supposed to be challenging, and orgasmic dysfunction is one such challenge. If you are experiencing orgasmic dysfunction, don’t panic. It is absolutely treatable.
And believe it or not, treating it is simpler than you think. You can do it just like thousands of other women have done it before you. I am here to help you. Don’t hesitate to get in touch and I will help you overcome this challenge like I have helped hundreds of other lovely ladies.
Take the keys of your health back in your own hands!